Learn how to thrive in your forties and embrace the season you are in.
I think I was deep in baby land a so called ‘geriatric mother’ in her forties who was also tipping into perimenopause sludge… when it happened.
I was mindlessly scrolling on social media and one of my favourite friends was dancing on a decadent roof terrace, hands in the air looking absolutely fabulous. Another was pulling up wellies ready to take on Glastonbury.
In comparison, I was dressed in my PJs, feeling upside down both mentally and physically and felt worlds away from my disco buddy and festival friend. In fact, I felt light years away from that carefree girl who used to dance by their sides. I found myself flicking at old pictures on my phone 8 years ago and barely recognized myself from that time.
While I am so happy for my friends (and must add in advance that I love my family and so grateful for the life that I have) I felt a pang of jealousy. The reason behind this is because a part of me, in that moment, wished for those years of spontaneity and dancing on a roof terrace, and everything that period represented. Side note – no money in the world would get me on that roof top at that time.
I missed being in my twenties and early thirties.
“Being truly honest, I felt like a washed up forty-something.”
I then came across an amazing article by Kimberly Gillan called Are you in Tune with your Life Season. It detailed the idea how life is made up of continuous moments and like the seasons they are only temporary. The people that can lean into their current life season and stop comparing themselves to others, are the ones that are more content and thriving. This felt like a mindset game changer and a strategy I wanted to share with you.
So when I was going through a divorce, in my thirties I watched my friends fall in love, get married and have babies and I longed for this to happen to me too. I continuously compared myself to people who were getting married. During that period of my life I unfairly told myself I was a failure – Janet my inner critic was at this point hogging the karaoke limelight.
In retrospect my divorce was like Winter of slowing down, hibernating, and taking care of myself. How I wish I could go back in time and reassure myself that this season will pass, and Spring will come again.
It made me think, what if we started becoming more in tune with our life season and moments in life?
“What if we accepted that we are all living in different stages of our lives and like the seasons they will return.”
Ageing is a gift; I am so lucky to be here on this beautiful planet for over 40 years. It was that summer of love season that I missed. Dancing and laughing with friends. I realized I can still do that, no matter what age I am.
Is there is a time in your life that you wish you could push the DeLorean button and drive into? Take a moment and really think about what you were doing.
What are you actually missing?
How can you bring more of that into your life today? Right now, what can you do that brings more of the good vibes into the present day.
You can revisit the seasons again. Just because we are in our forties, doesn’t mean that it has to be a cold hard winter…. for what…. the next forty years if we are lucky. Sod that.
In Japan they have no word for Peri-menopause or Menopause. Instead they called it The Second Spring, a time to be re-energised.
I am going for that. Who is with me?
The stories we tell ourselves about the next chapter can either hold you back from life or give you a new lease for life.
I would love to hear what you plan on bringing back into your 40’s.
Joanne Fiddy is a Confidence Coach empowering women in their forties to get their confidence back.
